This one goes out to Tyson who introduced me to the band “Low.”
Low’s album “I Could Live In Hope” is a musical landscape with transforming guitar rifts that mellow my soul. This is one of the most appropriately-named albums I have come across, and its single-worded tracks continue the trend. Low is always providing music for the mindful, tracks for the thinker. I recommend this album when in solitude, moments of contemplation, and whenever you need a relaxed vibe when conversing with your best friends.
My personal favorites from “I Could Live In Hope”:
Because there are so many favorites on this album, I agree with Tyson in awarding it “Album of the Week,” though I personally know I’ll be listening to this album as summer transitions slowly into fall… that is if Pittsburgh even has a fall this year :\ I live in hope of a Pittsburgh fall for 2010.
Alexa Raquel Casciato
Sandwich Zine Creator, Chief Coordinator, & Contributor
“Passion headlines the show of Dead Man’s Clothes, while talent never takes a backseat, but rather instead is always the trusted shotgun-seat passenger giving direction to the band.”
About the Band:
Name: Dead Man’s Clothes
Band Members and Instruments (alphabetically by last name):
Don Dumont: guitar, saw, vocals
Eliot Heeschen: percussion, glockenspiel
TJ Metcalfe: guitar
Ian Riley: bass
Sandwich Zine: I think authentic and strong passion is what sets true artists apart from amateurs and dabblers. Dead Man’s Clothes has this passion on all fronts. In my diverse listening experience, I have come to realize that a lot of the passion in music is driven by the singer through the use of words and vocal construction. However, from Aplomb! to Apsis to Ice is War, each and every one of DMC’s members have a truly unique and rare passion for their craft, and I absolutely love it! I hesitate to refer to any sort of music as “indie” these days, because in my mind, this genre has a sort of complacent connotation to it. 99% of new bands these days seem like they have just come together out of a desire to “try their hand” at music, maybe get some attention from the opposite sex, and tell their grandkids that they had a band. This sort of musical motivation is deadening to the soul and does not excite my senses when I push “play.”
Thankfully enough, Dead Man’s Clothes has always had the reverse effect on me. My personal all time and old time Dead Man’s Clothes’ favorites like “Skin in My Teeth” (Aplomb!) and “Build It High” (Apsis) prove the long-lasting flavor that this band has. Pop songs are known for their instant gratification-like sound structure. Upon listening to a pop song for the first time, one can often take an initial liking and decide to keep this song on repeat for a week, maybe even a month. The allure soon fades as the song gets overplayed.
All of the music from Dead Man’s Clothes has this lasting character to it. You put it into your CD player or add the songs onto your iPod of choice, whatever piece of techno you prefer. You take your first taste. Pleasant and appealing, yet not all of your senses are familiar with the sensation, so you take another taste – play the albums again. A certain song on the album resonates with you more than the others, so you play it more often than the others, but by the end of the month, you realize your play count for the whole album has skyrocketed. The following month, a new song calls out to you.
Eliot Heeschen’s drumming slams harder than you first realized in “Moving Mountains,” but his percussion isn’t one-dimensional. The following Sunday afternoon, when you’re mentally equipping yourself for the upcoming 40-hour workweek, Heeschen provides the calm before the storm in “I Will Glow.” Relax and daydream for a bit to “Up in the Air” from Apsis as the hi-hats carry you deeper into the dream.
Come Wednesday, you’re going to need TJ Metcalfe’s driving guitar to get over the mid-workweek hump. His guitar surf-rock-esque rifts in “Moving Mountains” will help you ride out the rest of your week. Suddenly, T.G.I.F! Before, during, and after going out, get energized by Metcalfe’s steady rhythmic and pulsating strumming in “Ribbons.” The confident Dead Man’s Clothes’ passion found in these guitar rifts are further amplified when combined with Ian Riley’s bass lines.
After the excitement from the weekend has worn off, it’s easy to feel an emotional crash. But do not fear! A really talented musician like bassist Ian Riley can make you feel something you never thought was there. His soothing bass lines lure you into realms unimaginable in “I Will Glow” (Ice is War) and “Build It High” (Apsis). I’ve gotten addicted. Listening to Riley hit that bass, I realize the importance of including bass in my own songs – a feature I often leave out due to my inability to write tight bass lines. I’ll leave “Etching Impression” on repeat for days to help my ear recognize a solid bass line that masters timing and tone.
Tone is a characteristic of music left out by many modern bands, but lead singer and guitarist Don Dumont makes sure to set the scene for his DMC listeners. Dumont writes lyrics that are heartfelt without being sappy or trite. To put it simply, you’re not going to be able to guess or predict what he’s going to say next. There’s no predictability to Dumont’s words, but every time he sings with his heart in his voice box, and I feel like he has some how stolen my notebooks or written a story for me that I’ve been waiting to hear.
My newest DMC favorite, “A Fire” from their newest album Ice is War has plucked at my heartstrings. Dumont’s voice is always progressing in range and power, and in this song in particular, his lyrics make the heart quake. I am thrown into a time of broken hearts, “cold days and slow rain” in which there are “insults that are meant to push me further away.” I am cast into a moment that I myself have not yet experienced; however, I feel as though I have been insulted by my best friend and the love of my life.
To feel what another character feels without having personally gone through their experience is rare and beyond me – I’m not sure how Dead Man’s Clothes does it, but it involves the combination of Dumont’s vocals and lyrics and the tight-knit talent and passion of the band augmenting Dumont’s emotions.
This is the forte and zeal that you can always count of from Dead Man’s Clothes.
This is the music that has life-long lasting flavor to it that you can use to carry you through your days, weeks, months, years, and centuries.
This band is starting their legacy, and it’s about time that you start listening to them and about time that we start hearing what they have to say:
Sandwich Zine: For starters, thank you all so much for taking the time for this interview. I’ve admired all of your passion and talent from the very start of Dead Man’s Clothes. I really appreciate your time for this interview. You’re all so wonderful!
Now let’s get talking… our readers have heard me talk enough already J
It is obvious to me that Dead Man’s Clothes honors the “concept album.” How do you come up with the themes (both musically and story-wise) for your albums?
Dead Man’s Clothes: The musical concept behind the album is a sort of necessary product of having a fairly diverse catalog of songs. When stepped back and looked at our whole body of songs that were unrecorded, right away we began sectioning them off and grouping songs with others that match mood, tone, story, etc. The result was about five separate concepts for albums, some further along than others. We chose to tackle what would become Ice Is War first because the songs we were working on hardest at the time really dictated the direction the album would be going.
Sandwich Zine: Wow, that’s incredible. Sounds like you have your work cut out for you! Without ruining any surprises for your listeners, what would you say the theme/concept is for Ice Is War?
Dead Man’s Clothes: The concept of the album began as a tight, focused EP that represented our live sound at the time, and maybe more importantly was the idea of a record that could be done in a shorter amount of time to solidify the recent member changes, to have a chance to tell a story together, immediately, reflecting our different musical personalities.
We wanted to make something both expansive and inclusive. The sound reminded us of an avalanche filled with rocks and dirt, and that’s the direction the songs went in. As they came together it became clear that they were largely inspired by a character from 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, which became required reading for the band this winter.
Sandwich Zine: Don, I remember the days when you were playing guitar in my Cleveland Circle apartment in 2005. How does one make the transition from solo artist to band mate? Can you and the band shed some light on how a band collaborates – the process of collaboration?
Dead Man’s Clothes: Don:For me the transition was pretty easy since I had always written my music with so many other instruments in mind. When we began Apsis it felt very natural to take what I had been doing in a studio and have other people fleshing out these songs. When we work together there’s a lot of shouting, usually devolving into grunting, hair pulling, and a whole lot of tickling. Basically, whoever is conscious at the end of practice gets to make the decisions. It’s very democratic.
Sandwich Zine: I noticed that your MySpace page says the instruments are “subject to change.” Tell me more about that. What instruments would you like to experiment with or do you see yourselves incorporating into the band?
Dead Man’s Clothes: With the band changeover last year the challenge was just working together with new people, so the sound and the situation dictated that we limit ourselves instrumentally. Now that we have this solid foundation with each other we can’t wait to experiment with other configurations and instruments.
Sandwich Zine: This one is for Eliot… Eliot, do you have a name for your glockenspiel? I just bought myself a glockenspiel; I play piano, and they say this is a percussion instrument, but I look at my glock and wonder where to start, especially since I have significantly less control in my left hand with the mallet. I consider you a pro-percussionist, so you have any advice for me as an amateur percussionist?
Dead Man’s Clothes: Elliot: I’ve graduated to a xylophone, her name is Beatrice.
Sandwich Zine: Back to the band… how do you each keep your musicianship evolving and progressing? Any advice for the artist with writer’s block?
Dead Man’s Clothes: As far as musicianship is concerned, one step forward was beginning to view all our musical idols as our peers. We’re bombarded with really great music that’s being created all the time, and it made us feel like we’re a part of that too, which is just exciting.
Sandwich Zine: It seems that story-telling has always been a very strong peer of yours as well as a driving force behind the lyrics of DMC. Don, what’s your typical lyric writing process like (is it typical at all, really?) and how do you pass your ideas by the band?
Dead Man’s Clothes: Sound has always been a vey visual thing for me, if that makes any sense. Often times when I start writing some music it’s like I am watching a scene play out underneath it and I end up writing the lyrics around that. Other times I’m just writing to play with my own thoughts. Something will be going on that I can’t explain or don’t want to stop thinking about, so I walk myself through it, even if that means creating a story to do it. Once I get something that I can articulate I’ll bring it to rehearsal with me. At that point, if it excites the other guys we go full tilt into it.
Sandwich Zine: I like that a lot. I’d agree sound is very visual. I see my keyboard as a pattern, in fact! But I digress… I remember having conversations in the past with you about pirate ship songs and Will Oldham’s narrative lyrics. From where do you draw inspiration that later creates such strong story lines in your lyrics?
Dead Man’s Clothes: Almost anything really: books, nature, my relationships, and the fictional universe I happen to be living in at the time.
Sandwich Zine: What has the role of music been in your lives and why do you make it? What is it about music that you have decided to use it as your primary artistic outlet?
Dead Man’s Clothes: This one is actually easy. Clipper ship captains are married to the sea; we’re all married to music.
Sandwich Zine: You’ve managed to distribute your music yourselves and book your own shows. Your non-reliance on a manager and/or agent has always astounded me. Cyou talk a bit about how you guys go about this independent process?
Dead Man’s Clothes: It’s a lot of work, but we really like knowing that we’re doing this all on our own. The fact is, though, that we don’t have any other choice. As musicians without famous parents, we have to do this by ourselves, or move to Canada.
Sandwich Zine: Well if you moved to Canada, then we’d have Canadian contributors, so that’d be pretty neat… but let’s talk about this award. Portland’s Best New Act. First, congratulations from all of us here at Sandwich Zine. Dude, that’s huge! How did that feel? Can you tell us the story of when you found out the news?
Dead Man’s Clothes: We’re just really thrilled at this award. We were hopeful, but none of us realistically expected to win. With that in mind, immediately after being presented with the award, Ian and Elliot called Don to notify him of the honor, and to chastise him for being at the laundromat during the ceremony.
Sandwich Zine: That’s beautifully humble. This one is tough. Ready? How would you describe your music/genre? Don’t feel like you have to choose a genre, but how would you prefer people to describe your music?
Dead Man’s Clothes: We’d like to be thought of as the brontosaurus of music; a combination of many things that create something that never really existed before.
Sandwich Zine: What’s next for Dead Man’s Clothes? What are your intentions for DMC and how would you like to see yourselves (as individuals and as DMC) grow in this art form? Any particular musical avenues you would like to explore?
Dead Man’s Clothes: We don’t want to give away too much, but we’re going to go back to recording on our own so we have the time to have fun experimenting with sounds.
Sandwich Zine: Ideally speaking, how do you want people to hear your music (live, in solitude, as background, in art galleries, at colleges, on the radio, in films, etc.)?
Dead Man’s Clothes: This record was written to blasted out of an elementary school intercom system. If you are one of the few people who don’t have keys to an elementary school we want you to be listening to it any way and as much as you can.
Sandwich Zine: Good to know! I have been needing to revisit my stomping grounds. I’ll take “Ice Is War” with me. So tell us about this single that you would like to debut for Sandwich Zine readers!
Dead Man’s Clothes: This was one of the first songs we wrote for the record and thought it would give people a quick glance into what was coming without having to make a commitment.
Sandwich Zine: We appreciate the free download! Dead Man’s Clothes newest 3-track single, Moving Mountains, can be downloaded for free at: deadmansclothes.bandcamp.com the updated zip file of the whole thing is located here now: http://drop.io/hidden/rdgcsavbhozngah/asset/ZGVhZC1tYW4tcy1jbG90aGVzLW1vdmluZy1tb3VudGFpbnMtc2luZ2xlLXpp_cC0y. Now how can we support Dead Man’s Clothes and when will Ice is War be released for sale and where?
Dead Man’s Clothes: We really want to see you at shows. Come say hello, give us a hug, tell us how your day went. It will be available August 14th in the online places and Cdbaby, and you will probably be able to order it through your local record store.
Sandwich Zine: Rumor has it that Dead Man’s Clothes is touring this summer… anything you can reveal about that? (Which cities you’ll be gracing with your presence and possible tour dates?)
Dead Man’s Clothes: There is a lot in the air right now. The best thing we could suggest is check our websites and check them often: http://www.deadmansclothes.com // http://www.myspace.com/deadmansclothes // DeadMansClothes.bandcamp.com // http://www.facebook.com/deadmansclothes
Sandwich Zine: In the event that I would be honored to open for Dead Man’s Clothes in Pittsburgh, do you have any Alexa Raquel song requests?
Dead Man’s Clothes: A.S.A.P., One Day I’ll Drive the Clouds in the Sky and a lot of your new stuff.
Sandwich Zine: Before we end this interview, a few silly questions to humor me. What is your favorite Sandwich?
Dead Man’s Clothes: Ian: Homemade burger, Elliot: Elliot’s signature buffalo-tempeh mastodon, Don: Peanut Butter and Jelly(raspberry), TJ: Chicken Caesar
Sandwich Zine: Now let’s get deep, what is your reaction to 21st century life as we know it and can you sum up your advice for the younger generations in a one-or-two-liner?
Dead Man’s Clothes: If anyone can prepare you for the future it’s David Bowie. No matter how much David Bowie you are listening to, it is not enough.
Sandwich Zine: If you had to create a tag line or motto for Sandwich Zine, what would it be?
Dead Man’s Clothes: *BURP*… did you say something?
Sandwich Zine: Thank you for taking the time to talk with Sandwich Zine and keep rocking, Dead Man’s Clothes!
Dead Man’s Clothes: Thank you for taking the time to talk to us and for putting together such a great zine.
Aplomb! (October, 2008)
Apsis (May, 2009)
Ice is War (August 10, 2010)
Alexa’s Personal Favorite…
Track from Ice is War:
It’s a tie between “A Fire” and “I Will Glow”
All-Time Favorite DMC Songs:
“Skin In My Teeth: (Aplomb!), “Night At the Races” (Aplomb!), “Build It High” (Apsis), and “Model Home” (Apsis)
Interview by Alexa Raquel Casciato
Sandwich Zine Founder, Chief Coordinator, & Contributor
Sandwich Zine Issue #9
I know you’re all wondering how TSOS (The Summer of Staci for you late bloomers) is going and I have to say, so far so good. I mean 2010 has not been a banner year for yours truly, but things are looking up. I’m getting tan, trying to save some of my hard earned cash for the great move of 2010, and enjoying the sunshine, however I do have some rather large news regarding the dating life, here goes nothing.
You know what they say, when God gives you Irishmen, make sure they’re legit. Back track for all you new ziners, I have been dating around and having some fun which ended abruptly as of last Friday. The Irishman I was seeing finally came clean. While he is of Irish heritage, the accent I had grown to adore is fake. Excuse me, what? Oh, you need me to repeat that? He faked his accent for three months to not only me, but my friends and family. It was a sad day dear friend, a sad day indeed. However, a small amount of relief washed over me, I had avoided a drama filled yet fun relationship road trip. We had our fun in those three months of courtship; however the drama that always seemed to rear its ugly head was palpable. Jealousy was an issue, as was ‘the talk’ which thankfully never happened. Yet as disturbing as this is to admit, the fact that he faked the accent left me mildly wanting more. There, I said it and I stand by it damnit. Yes, it was a little schitzo and yes I never caught on, but it was.. Odd? And if there’s one thing you should know about me it’s that I love the oddballs. The silver lining regarding the faux accent- the bartender is still alive and kicking, thank God for contingency plans.
The next week co-contributor Julie had a Mexican Cantina Hot Tub Pens Game Party, obviously I had to tell her the news, after all she had met him. So there we are, Julie, Alexa, and I discussing our relationships and having mild revelations about growing up. We are now officially off our parents’ teats, moved out, feeding ourselves on a ramen diet, and making that money to pay those bills. Thus, we have been forced to grow up. Not only have our diets changed, but our relationships with friends and ‘more than’ friends have changed as well… for some of us. As of late my friends and I are finding ourselves in a mixture of relationships. No name dropping sadly but some examples: a few friends are placidly gliding towards a serious commitment with men of common interests, a few are physically involved but still figuring out the emotional side of the deal (I know, I hang out with some women of the evening to say the least), while others are dating around and playing mind games, yet to be determined as to if that will evolve to a full blown anything. These differences in game playing made me wonder, do relationships need a certain amount of drama to keep the fires burning? Could that be why our ‘great loves’ are so great?
You show me someone who doesn’t enjoy the chase of a potential suitor and I’ll show you a liar. I am not saying the ‘game’ is all it’s cracked up to be, but those first flirting attempts and first dates are what keep us coming back for more. I mean, look at Blair and Chuck (yes I’m referencing Gossip Girl, judge me). Their relationship wasn’t what I’d call ‘healthy’ but it most certainly was fun. And I completely own up to this as well, I love the chase, but once it’s known that either side is in or out a little bit of that excitement goes away and my interest tends to fade as well. Jealousy kept them entertained and involved in each other’s lives, but should we depend on that to keep the relationship going? And jealousy isn’t the only poison, there are plenty to pick from. But by using these tactics to keep the flame ignited are we dooming the relationship from the start?
My feedback won’t be of much use because every relationship I’ve had has been a bit tumultuous and most of the time it’s my fault. I am not a homebody, I like to mix it up, and I love meeting new people. Basically I have mild ADD, get bored easily, and depending on someone else terrifies me. Also, I’ve said it in previous articles and I’m saying it again, I’m a woman and we do not know what we want. Last week I literally sat at Nicky’s Thai Kitchen with the aforementioned ladies plus a few, blatantly admitting that I did not want a relationship. Today, legitimately five minutes ago I emailed my roommates complaining about the lack of a relationship in my life. I think it just boils down to wanting what you can’t have and not knowing what do with it when you get it.
Like I said earlier, the thought of becoming dependent on someone else terrifies me, thus I’ve basically kept a wall up with any potential anything’s I’ve had in the past. It’s the ‘Penny Lane’ way of life if you will: “ … never take it seriously, if your never take it seriously, you never get hurt, you never get hurt, you always have fun”. Sounds great and has been, but I’m now seeing that I’ve missed out on a lot by not putting myself out there. I can safely say that I’ve never to date at 24 years of age, had a serious, committed, trust filled relationship. After admitting that I’m not sure if I should be embarrassed, disappointed, or upset because to me it’s been the norm. It’s not that I don’t know how to form a meaningful lasting relationship; it’s putting myself out there and allowing the possibility of pain and hurt stop me from committing to anything more than true friendship. Maybe it’s time to take the leap, like Alfred Lord Tennyson once said, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all (btw mad props to Hallie Pettibon because I honestly thought Billy Shakespeare wrote that). I should probably start reading more of him.
by Staci Roland
Sandwich Zine Contributor
July/August 2010 Issue #9
So where did we leave off? Oh, the bartender. Well, I must admit a lot has changed since my last article. I actually took my own advice, began to have a little fun and jump in, and have been happily dating around.
I know, I didn’t think it could happen either. An Irishman and a bartender, see Staci date. Switching my attitude from a negative to hopeful one has made all the difference, until recently…
It finally happened dear friends, I had a quarter life crisis. While preparing my taxes I had a mild heart attack. Not only did I owe money, but when I moved to Kennedy Township I learned they never deducted any wage tax from my earnings, or 3% of my annual salary a.k.a. a big chunk of change I now have the lovely duty of paying. Now reader, I’m not sure you’re all aware of my current situation. I am trying to move to New York City in October. I don’t know if you know much about Manhattan, but that shit ain’t cheap. Luckily I had begun saving money for my move, money Pennsylvania will now be receiving. Thanks again Keystone State, you truly are the light of my life. Once I realized how much I owed to the feds I began to shake and/or foam at the mouth. But wait-there is a silver lining! The state owes ME exactly one George Washington. Don’t hate the player, PA, hate the game. It was safe to say that I was in a mild funk for the next week or so until my mother told me to do something about it, which made me think of a book I’d recently read entitled The Last Lecture.
Teenage (24 year old) Wasteland
by Staci Roland
So here are some facts: I am a 24 year old singleton in Pittsburgh, city of bridges but not so much men. I live with two other 24 year old singletons and have countless friends in the same boat. Oh yeah, this is my first article as well, so hello their fellow sandwich-ziners. Here are some other things you should know: I am hoping this article doesn’t come off as a whiny repartee about my lack of self esteem, I know I am not Carrie Bradshaw, and lastly I do not care to convey any dislike toward the men folk, but you may want to scroll past this article if you don’t want to listen to a whiny 20 something single female. Ideally, I’d like to explore the difference between dating as a ‘young professional’ verse the college years and beyond.
A recent article I had read in the New York Times made me wonder about the relationships of today. A woman recently wrote a book about settling for ‘Mr. Good Enough’, aimed towards women in their late 20’s to early 40’s who want to settle down but can’t seem to get to that damn alter. Baffled that our society had come to this (though it did resolve that divorce rate explosion), a discussion began soon after with some fellow contributors of the zine, thus following with my first journalistic attempt. As we pounced on our wine, grapes and cheese while arguing over who the worst designer on Project Runway was that evening, we predictably wound up discussing our love lives… well lack thereof. Inevitably it lead to one main question: why is it so hard to find a compatible mate? And what if some of us aren’t willing to settle? I mean, yes, my ideal man is Sidney Crosby, but not just because he’s the captain of the Penguins and makes an obscene amount of loot. He is humble and articulate in all he does, performing philanthropic miracles like those of Jesus in his heyday, all the while looking like a darker (less Jewish, damn!) Andy Samberg. So sue me, I’m in love… well, lust. Okay, so maybe that’s why I’m alone, I’m holding out for the best and not willing to settle, but why should you? One conclusion: because it’s been instilled in us since birth. Think of all the passé advice and sayings you’ve been brainwashed with throughout the years. Better yet, let’s look at some of the more recent ones I’ve heard.
First up- the rules. Make of them what you will, but apparently they’re followed daily by women the world over. Let’s start with the worst, shall we? Marry/date someone who loves you more than you love them. Are we really supposed to listen to this bs? Why would I want to devote the rest of my years to someone I can only at best tolerate most days? This leads to the next rule, settle for the next best thing. Second rate. Really? At this point I’ve been dating for close to a decade and now you’re telling me to settle? Apparently this book has caused quite the phenomenon telling women to come ‘close enough’ to happiness with a mate. The book is called ‘Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough’. I can’t make this shit up. Now I know life isn’t as telltale as a romantic comedy, but if I end up in a marriage like that of Al and Peg Bundy I will throw myself off the 16th Street Bridge. Thankfully this next theory is one I not only promote but believe in, entitled Jimmy D’s ‘principle of least interest’: the theory of one sided affliction. This was taught to me by an ex-coworker and god among men. It is one of the only hypotheses I’ve heard that seems to not only make sense but exist in almost ever relationship I’ve ever encountered. It’s inevitable that one party is bound to get hurt at the end of the relationship, and that is usually the more emotionally attached partner, a.k.a. the lady. But what if it’s all predetermined from the beginning? What if every single relationship starts out as a joy ride for one person, while the others is a series of cautious decisions, outfits, word choice, etc.? And if that’s true, when does the other party catch up to the emotional attachment already instilled by the other partner? The world may never know. Last but not least, three classics we’ve been force fed for most of our lives starting with ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. If by fonder you mean hornier and more apt to stray, then yes, distance does make that heart grow fonder. Kudos to you, reader, if you have maintained a long distance relationship, I however can never make it work. Ever. Next up, ‘love finds you when you’re not looking’. Sure, that can happen, but you know where it’s not going to find you? Alone in your apartment on a Friday night, unless it’s Ben and Jerry, or on a good night a gentleman named Jack. Okay, this one I can agree with to an extent. Putting yourself out there is half the battle, the other half is getting yourself out there. Lastly, a real gem: ‘ignorance is bliss’. I don’t know about you, but how blissful can a relationship be that entails massive debt, STDs and secretive addictions? I’m not saying to grill the potential suitor over that first coffee, but some things need to be known
What do I believe? Personally, I believe that at the end of the day, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh. But what if the one that makes you laugh also makes you gag? Now this next line may cause some backlash and make me look extremely shallow, but I believe relationships should be an equal mixture of physical attraction as well as emotional and mental, the true trifecta. You’ve gotta get that stomach flip, that initial human reaction of wanting them, then and there. That being said, I can attest to personality trumping looks, and if you’ve seen some of the men I’ve dated you’ll know it’s true. So why have our opposites stopped attracting? I’ve come to realize that at our stage in the game, we’ve had to learn to deal with some heavy dating curves. In college the bounty seems endless, but what about our social lives after?
So what is the difference between dating 2 years ago verses now? In college the prospects of meeting a mate were overwhelming and well, fantastic. We were young enough to take things lightly and go with the flow. You were on a campus or based in a city with thousands of people within your age group, surrounded by alcoholic endeavors while learning to set out on your own for the first time. Another plus, for most of us college was purely carnal, although some found true love (which per my mother, ‘if you didn’t meet him college you’re basically screwed’ which is awesome, so thanks Cec, you truly are a diamond in the rough). So what do the rest of us do? Yes, there are the dating sites and speed dating rounds that can leave you wanting to off yourself. Casual dating has been great so far, but at some point you want to get off that ride, too. I attribute my issues with both tangible and intangible issues.
First and foremost, I am a woman and we never know what we want. We bitch when we’re in a relationship and when we’re not, so I guess we need to look at both sides the equation. Thus far I’ve complained a lot about my singled status but I must say, about 80% of the time I thoroughly enjoy it. The independence is invigorating and usually not recognized until it’s gone. But then there are those catch 22’s, the liberation of freedom from a mate for nights out but no warm body to return home to for the rough days at work. And alas, there is always that shortage of self esteem that keep women away from potential suitors. Times have changed. Men are beginning to see how nice it is to sit around and wait for the proposition of a date and they’ve begun to let us do some of the leg work. This is just no fun for yours truly. One of my biggest faults is the lack of self esteem which isn’t a hard thing to get over. It may have to do with another issue of mine, falling hard and fast for the college drop out who lives at home and bartends on the weekends to sustain his many habits. You’d think at 24 I’d get past this hippie-esque infatuation, but no. And if you can play an instrument or like the same music I do I am a lost cause. These ‘men’ are habitually the same person, looking for a good time and someone to take care of them, until they move on. And we women are to blame as well, thinking we’ll be the one to change him, set him on his path to righteousness, a degree, and eventually a stable income (with benefits!.. well maybe). Another tangible issue: I am a self proclaimed kissing bandit, and it’s typically friends. Not. Good. But after a year of flying solo any girl would get frisky after a couple of beers. The problem with this scenario, dear reader, is that by moving from a strictly platonic to physical relationship tension may arise, which is why I have invented the morning after high five. Eases tension upon contact and allows you to laugh through it. Don’t tell me you didn’t get anything from this article. But what about the issues you can’t control? Pittsburgh has a college heavy crowd for the bar scene. It’s a known fact that women mature earlier than men, so why would I want to go back even further with the maturity gap? I’ve joined gyms, met and been set up with mutual friends, but still nothing. At first it was a dry spell, now it is literally drought. It’s true you always want what you can’t have, but why can’t I have something for right now?
Hopefully I can follow up with this test of an article soon. I met a bartender (I swear I am trying to break the cycle) and we’ll be going out soon. I always envision my nights through the stories of others, just small changes to suit differences we have. There is a section in the New York Times that I am mildly obsessed with. Every Monday like an addict I anticipate my next hit found in the style section deemed Modern Love. This highly recommended column consists of average joe’s like you and I submitting their stories of true love, some maternal, some unrealistic, some vengeful, some tragic. While the genres are quite broad they almost always end on a hopeful note, which is what I hope to do today. I believe that in order to find love you must be love. You must be willing to offer it, accept it, and learn from it, which is what I plan to do.. right after my date with the bartender.
by Staci Roland
Sandwich Zine Contributor
March/April 2010 Issue #7
Newest issue is out – here’s the obligatory corresponding post to discuss your favs/your dislikes/what you want to see more of/ less of…. you get the drill. Post.
While driving along, listening to Scythian’s CD Immigrant Road Show, I began listening to track 6, entitled Tuesday Morning… which at first seems brilliant… until they start singing.
And that is why 95% of my music collection consists of music in languages I can’t understand.
The best example I’ve ever come across is Jay Chou’s theme song for the movie Kung Fu Dunk, called Zhou Da Xia. Upbeat, fun, popular – and stupid stupid stupid.
Now while my Mandarin is not dreadful, it is not great either. And when I hear words like ‘Tofu’ and ‘Kung fu’ repeated over and over again in the refrain, I become frightened.
Music here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxH2wW_vfAg
Refrain translated as:
“Getting bored,panicky and tired, so I put on my kung fu suit
I don’t sell tofu(tofu), Tofu(tofu)
What I learnt in the martial arts school is called Kung fu, kung fu(kung fu), kung fu(kung fu)
Hurry up and wear your cheongsam before you say I take advantage of you
You are like tofu(tofu), tofu (tofu)
Your delicate skin is about to try my kung fu, kung fu(kung fu), Kung fu(kung fu)
Hurry up and wear your cheonhsam before you say I take advantage of you”
Throwing it out to y’all there in internet land – are there any songs you absolutely love… if it weren’t for the lyrics? Or maybe just one lyric that ruins it for you? I for one love Andrew Bird’s ‘Case in Point’, but cringe, visibly cringe, at one sole line in the song.